I am still in London. Enjoying life more than ever before. Things are working out so well. Though I can feel life hitting up to me. It seems like I have to make big decisions every week. Let that be such a hard thing for me. I can not seem to know what is best. I kind of still want to be underneath my parents's wings. While I know that it is time to fly out. Say what? I did that a while ago. I kind of just want to go back there. I would like to never pay bills. I would like to play with dolls all day long. I would like to be tucked in again by my mom and dad. haha. But no. I grew out of that face a while ago, but I am capable to get in a denial.
The sun is out as it has saved all it's light all winter long. Trips are being arranged and I am excited. April is my favourite month. That will never change. Turning 21 makes it a bit weird. I can't see myself as a 21 year old. I kind of look like a 12 year old and as said before I would like to be one either. haha. Okay lets not mention that anymore. SPRING, yes. It does something to everyone. The sunlight lets London shine. A light glow and free minded spirits come out. And all those grumpy and tired eyes disappear behing expensive sunglasses. It makes the city seem to be a whole lot happier. It gives me strength. LET ME ROCK THE WORLD.
The past couple of weeks were quite long and tiring. Not in a bad way at all. I decided to do a 6 weeks weekend course at the London Film Academy. Can't tell you how much I have learned there. It was an amazing experience. Working during the week and going to school in the weekend. I would never complain and I wouldn't see this as one. But I was so tired. During that time I had a deadline. One that wouldn't leave my thoughts. I needed good weather, lovely trips and good talks. I got them back.
What is my plan here. Probably more of this unreadable blogs. Sometimes they make sense. Sometimes I read them back to check my spelling and grammer. Mostly I don't. Still scared that my English teacher will once read this. He will be embarrassed, though he would be so proud that I actually try it. And that I haven't gave it up. He might even think that I am doing something really cool. Here Nienke, this is for you when you will read this back one time in the further. Last year around this time. You were about to turn 20. You left a really hard time behind you and were living in Virginia, near Washington DC. You were incredible insecure about everything, though you felt extremely strong after tackling that difficult time. And you will find a time when you tell everyone again that you lived in New York. As that is something that not everyone can say. Now I am about to become an official grown up, isn't it? You have a hard time knowing what is about to come. Facts are that you actually can't. Not really insecure, more unknown. Hoping that it is just a fase. You hate to brag so let me just write it down as I kind of try to tell you that you are allowed to do it now. You are living in London. Yes, you lived in three amazing cities. And you did that all by yourself. You are worth it and you know that, kind of. haha
That was something personal of me for you to read. As I am not scared to let you know that I do struggle. I know everyone does. The response on my last YouTube video were out of this world. I opened up about the the last mentioned feelings. I found out that I was capable of reaching out and helping other to say things like that. I am not scared to face hard time, but I know that spring will at least lighten it up a bit.
Next stop, my birthday weekend. I can't be more excited about it as I love my birthday. New fases are about to come and I am ready for them. Let me write to you shortly. x
No comments:
Post a Comment