Just a quick update about the situation I turned out to be in. I just packed my bags and in a few hours I will be on a plane. Less than two weeks ago I got a text from my mom. Telling that it was important and that we needed to Skype. Before I knew it we were crying. She told me the sad news about my grandma, my Oma. She was in the hospital and I had to know that it was not going well at all. It was hard for her to tell me that. How do you tell you daughter that her Oma is passing away while she is miles and miles away. There was one thing that seems to be even worst. That I was not there. That I was not been able to say goodbye. It broke her.
That was two weeks ago and however I had the hope that it was all going to get better it wasn't. Me and my host family are near Boston right now. We drove in two days. I had a whole backup system. I only have internet with WiFi. As soon as we stared driving my mom was not been able to reach me. On the days that I we were driving my Oma was doing oke. If something would happen my mom had to w'app Veryan and she could text me. I would have tried to find the nearest WiFi spot and could get my mom on Skype. I am grateful that that was not needed.
On the day that my mom told me the news I felt really strong. How sad it is that that was for such a short period it was good. If it happend a month earlier it might have broken me down. How hard it is I am been able to get carry it. I am currently strong enough to say: no matter how emotional I feel I will continue and finish my au-pair adventure.
Yesterday I skyped my Oma. It was extremely painful. That Skype call was going to show me my Oma alive for the last time. After I hung up I felt worst. All my strength was gone. It was horrible to think that I was never going to see her anymore. It was a complete nightmare. Not much later my mom gave me a message saying that I had to come. I was already planning to go. I was planning of coming for the funeral to be there for my family. Yesterday was a game changer. I Skyped my dad and we called my insurance. They were going to book a flight for me.
The roller coaster just started. I am flying home today. I am going to say goodbye to my Oma. I am going to be there for my family. It is a huge relieve to know that I am actually going. Not a clue what it is going to do with me. At least it is going to help my mom. Right now that is the most important thing in my live. I will be with her for a couple of days. I love her so much and it is inhumane to see someone in so much pain from such a huge distance.
This is quite a personal thing to share. This blog is for me. For me in a couple of weeks, months, years. Knowing that I did everything I could. Knowing that family comes first no matter what. No matter how long I have to travel. No matter if that means a emotional breakdown. I know that I am strong and I am going to be strong.
I didn't check my spelling or grammer because I don't want to read this blog back right now. I will be home for a couple of days. So I am coming back to the USA. Because that is what I want, but more important, that is was Oma wants. Oma I love you, see you soon.
Sunday 29 June 2014
Monday 16 June 2014
Reunited
You can guess it. That was amazing. I did wait a week to write about it, to let it all sink in. Terrified to get homesick or feeling left behind. Turns out the opposite happend. I started to feel better and better. After North Carolina I felt great, but I knew that New York was coming up. There was still a cool trip to look forward to. So when I came back from New York I was petrified to get really sad. Don't ask me how, but I didn't. For the first time I was wrong about predicting my feelings. Honestly, I feel better than ever.
There I go, again in that terrible bus, but I am going to skip that part because it was just horrible. I want to let you all know how good of a time I had. So why waist more time and space about being very, very, very uncomfortable. NEW YOOORRKK! The humanity hit me hard. It had been raining all night and if there is one place were it gets humid. Than it must be a city like New York. I was back. It felt really strange. Realizing that New York is just a city and knowing that there is so much more to see in this huge country. Although I was really happy to be back knowing that my dad and sister were just a few miles away. My bags were, next level, heavy. I could absolutely not wait to enter the apartment. LOCKED and there was no key. We rented a room through airbnb, it was good, small, but good. The cleaner that had to put the envelope with the key on the door left the key inside. So there was no way for me to get in. My phone was about to die and I couldn't text or call my dad or sister. Because my contract doesn't allow me to text international numbers .Then there is only one thing to do; relax and find the rooftop. That one hit me, the rooftop. Seeing the view was indescribable it was ready to get me calm. I was back in that city I had to leave. Then time past really quickly and after a wonder around I came back to the locked door and guess who were there. All of a sudden my dad and sister stood in front of me. Then there is only one way how I would greet them. "Oh wait I have to charge my phone" seriously. I hadn't seen them for half a year and as soon as they were there I could only think about my phone dying. Congrats Nienke, you are officially the worst person ever. Though I did not got the chance to get it charged. My dad hugged me till there was no air to breath and my sister got me there too.
I can make the stories up right now. How I started crying and how I missed them so much. Well I did miss them big time, but as soon as they were there it felt like I never left their side. I didn't felt like crying. I felt so happy, I could only smile. My smile was not erasable in the near future. After we got freshened up, we decided to go to the park across the street and we talked about everything. I did not had to get them up-to-date. I talked to them on Skype a day before and w'app is keeping them pretty much up-to-date every second. I just wanted to show them the city. I was curious how they though I had changed. I was ready to have them close, really close.
In those days we have seen pretty much every high light of the city. We've done things that I hadn't done yet and we crossed a few things off my bucket list. Le Miserable on Broadway. I wanted to see a show there really badly and as I thought I had a year to do that. But since I left after 3 months this was the time to do it. My dad apparently had seen almost every single musical so after some discusion I got them on my side and we bought tickets to see Le Miserable. It was a early birthday present for my dad, who's birthday is June 30th and it sort of was a father's day present. As he told us that is was fathers day that day. But my dad had something for us too. He booked us a helicopter flight. I had never even been even close to one so that was honestly the best thing ever. The weather wasn't really helping so it got delayed to the next day but I still can't believe it. He is the best dad. It was foggy but I didn't mind. It was such an experience. I got to sit next to the pilot all by myself. The pilot was a woman, like yes, that is how I like it! She inspired me, I think a want to be an helicopter pilot too now. Especially above New York, I think, not sure. Haha I wish, I wish.
We did so much more, went to the 9/11 memorial, Wall street, Staten Island Ferry, Brooklyn Bright and Brooklyn promenade. Visited the New York Public library and walked down on Fifth Avenue. Stood on top of the rock and climbed the red stairs on Times Square. Watched Baseball in Central park, saw a broadway show and had dinner with Svenja and Kristina. Wondered around in the National History and Nature Museum and been attacked by squirrels and birds. Got to sit in the front seat of a helicopter and we pretended to be a NYU student.
It was so good to get my battery charged. My family means everything to me. I miss them so much. But now I am going to tell you something, maybe, unexpected. I feel stronger. I hope not to give my mom a heart attack, but I might consider staying longer. After half a year nothing has changed between me and my family. We all changed a bit but those changes had been captured by Skype already. Hopefully my sister and brother get there degrees and I do feel bad not being there. I simple know that I do not have to be there physically. I hope they know that I think about them a lot, say all the time. The friends I have back home are basically the best people on this planet. I don't text everyone all the time, but as soon as I do it is all fine.
Being away from home can be really hard. But had made me feel so much better about everything. I feel more confident and I dare to stand up for myself more. Since I'm back from New York I feel bad bringing the girls to school. I want to spent more time with them. Although I might think that now,I know when they will be home all the time next week I probably disagree with this. So for everyone who wants to be an au-pair and is afraid to leave home behind, JUST DO IT. Your family and friends will wait. And how hard this may sound, they can do it without you. Give them a sign of love now and than. Let them know you care about them and they will give that back to you. A year is long, but now that I passed my 6 months I start to seriously consider to stay longer. Times goes really quick and before you know you will be back home. AND I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT YET!
There I go, again in that terrible bus, but I am going to skip that part because it was just horrible. I want to let you all know how good of a time I had. So why waist more time and space about being very, very, very uncomfortable. NEW YOOORRKK! The humanity hit me hard. It had been raining all night and if there is one place were it gets humid. Than it must be a city like New York. I was back. It felt really strange. Realizing that New York is just a city and knowing that there is so much more to see in this huge country. Although I was really happy to be back knowing that my dad and sister were just a few miles away. My bags were, next level, heavy. I could absolutely not wait to enter the apartment. LOCKED and there was no key. We rented a room through airbnb, it was good, small, but good. The cleaner that had to put the envelope with the key on the door left the key inside. So there was no way for me to get in. My phone was about to die and I couldn't text or call my dad or sister. Because my contract doesn't allow me to text international numbers .Then there is only one thing to do; relax and find the rooftop. That one hit me, the rooftop. Seeing the view was indescribable it was ready to get me calm. I was back in that city I had to leave. Then time past really quickly and after a wonder around I came back to the locked door and guess who were there. All of a sudden my dad and sister stood in front of me. Then there is only one way how I would greet them. "Oh wait I have to charge my phone" seriously. I hadn't seen them for half a year and as soon as they were there I could only think about my phone dying. Congrats Nienke, you are officially the worst person ever. Though I did not got the chance to get it charged. My dad hugged me till there was no air to breath and my sister got me there too.
I can make the stories up right now. How I started crying and how I missed them so much. Well I did miss them big time, but as soon as they were there it felt like I never left their side. I didn't felt like crying. I felt so happy, I could only smile. My smile was not erasable in the near future. After we got freshened up, we decided to go to the park across the street and we talked about everything. I did not had to get them up-to-date. I talked to them on Skype a day before and w'app is keeping them pretty much up-to-date every second. I just wanted to show them the city. I was curious how they though I had changed. I was ready to have them close, really close.
In those days we have seen pretty much every high light of the city. We've done things that I hadn't done yet and we crossed a few things off my bucket list. Le Miserable on Broadway. I wanted to see a show there really badly and as I thought I had a year to do that. But since I left after 3 months this was the time to do it. My dad apparently had seen almost every single musical so after some discusion I got them on my side and we bought tickets to see Le Miserable. It was a early birthday present for my dad, who's birthday is June 30th and it sort of was a father's day present. As he told us that is was fathers day that day. But my dad had something for us too. He booked us a helicopter flight. I had never even been even close to one so that was honestly the best thing ever. The weather wasn't really helping so it got delayed to the next day but I still can't believe it. He is the best dad. It was foggy but I didn't mind. It was such an experience. I got to sit next to the pilot all by myself. The pilot was a woman, like yes, that is how I like it! She inspired me, I think a want to be an helicopter pilot too now. Especially above New York, I think, not sure. Haha I wish, I wish.
We did so much more, went to the 9/11 memorial, Wall street, Staten Island Ferry, Brooklyn Bright and Brooklyn promenade. Visited the New York Public library and walked down on Fifth Avenue. Stood on top of the rock and climbed the red stairs on Times Square. Watched Baseball in Central park, saw a broadway show and had dinner with Svenja and Kristina. Wondered around in the National History and Nature Museum and been attacked by squirrels and birds. Got to sit in the front seat of a helicopter and we pretended to be a NYU student.
It was so good to get my battery charged. My family means everything to me. I miss them so much. But now I am going to tell you something, maybe, unexpected. I feel stronger. I hope not to give my mom a heart attack, but I might consider staying longer. After half a year nothing has changed between me and my family. We all changed a bit but those changes had been captured by Skype already. Hopefully my sister and brother get there degrees and I do feel bad not being there. I simple know that I do not have to be there physically. I hope they know that I think about them a lot, say all the time. The friends I have back home are basically the best people on this planet. I don't text everyone all the time, but as soon as I do it is all fine.
Being away from home can be really hard. But had made me feel so much better about everything. I feel more confident and I dare to stand up for myself more. Since I'm back from New York I feel bad bringing the girls to school. I want to spent more time with them. Although I might think that now,I know when they will be home all the time next week I probably disagree with this. So for everyone who wants to be an au-pair and is afraid to leave home behind, JUST DO IT. Your family and friends will wait. And how hard this may sound, they can do it without you. Give them a sign of love now and than. Let them know you care about them and they will give that back to you. A year is long, but now that I passed my 6 months I start to seriously consider to stay longer. Times goes really quick and before you know you will be back home. AND I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT YET!
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