I have started to get organized. That means I turned my wardrobe inside out and got things out I will defiantly not bring home. Shirts I haven't worn to much or just don't like. and shorts that I wouldn't need in the cold and rainy Holland or London. The main reason for distributing those clothes is that there is simply no space in my suitcases. And I also try to limit the amount of weight.
I feel really, really weird. The girls are old enough to realize what is going on. I have told them myself a while back. I accidentally started crying. I tried my best to tell them as gently as possible. I wiggled around the word 'leaving', but they are too smart. Right away they started screaming "NO NIENKE, YOU CAN NOT LEAVE". I had to bite my lip to hold in my tears, but I lost. The fact that they were so upset about it, oh men. I did not like that. Auw. But it meant something though. It meant they really liked me. So I had to make the best out of the time that there is left.
Not that we were not making an memories before. When you are leaving you want to get the most out off it. Have spent most of my time near them. Even right now. I'm off but I am writing my blog on the kitchen table near the girls. We have baked a lot of the last two months. I know they loved to do that with me and hé I don't mind. We've been out and about more than usual and I learned as much Dutch as I could fit in. It is incredible hard to leave and it does hurt. I know for fact that they will grow up to become strong and in depended without me too.
There is no time left. Everything is a mess and I do not really know how I feel. It somewhere feels the same as last year. The confusion of leaving. I am heartbroken towards the girls and I am extremely happy to travel towards the west coast and going back home. I enjoy all it as long as I can and there is not that much longer.
A few days ago it was Thanksgiving. An American holiday were you come together and have a big meal. Center piece is the 20 pound turkey. There is no better moment to think about thinks I am thankful for. Because everything I do right now is amazing. I am without exaggerating thankful for everyone who ever crossed my path. Even when you were nice to me it probably made me stronger. My family and friends in Holland who are the best I could have ever wished for. I left home for a year, but have not lost one friend. Haven't been able to be there for you for the last 365 days, but you were oké with that. Also because I know that you are a strong person. Otherwise you would probably not be my friend. And I can easily say this because I know that I have a strong group of people surrounding me.
Than my host parents. When I arrived here in March I was pretty down. I had to start all over again. Leaving a place I really liked was hard. I never though that I was going to like this place as much as I like New York. Well, New York is a different world. When you are there the world does not seem to matter. It is all about New York, New York and more New York. DC is way different. It is more business and goverment'ty'. That is not a word, but I like it written like that. I got freedom when I got here. I got the change to do what I liked. Never felt like I was doing wrong. I could alway be myself. Of course there must be some things that I did different then you were used to, but you never told me off. That is amazing and that shows that you were been able to adapt to me easily. I always felt welcome and had no problem with calling this place home. It will always be my home. It will always be a place that I love. You deserve the best I don't know how to let you know that I appreciated everything you did for me. Thank you.
My friends made in the USA. Ashley, Anne and Veryan. I got to know you day 1. That is tomorrow. Tomorrow is our anniversary, haha. Ashley I can not wait to see you again in January. It was hard to see you go and I am so glad that I know that I will been able to spend some time with you in London. Anne, I was so happy when you were here in April. That you and Guilia took me to some lovely spots around on my birthday. It would not have been as fun of a birthday if you didn't do that. I really hope that everything is going well and that you come to visit me in London or in Holland. Veryan, Vezzo, Vlehyoyo. You are a special human being and I love you so, so much. Thank you for ever message for your photo's and your annoyingly stupid jokes. I am thinking about stealing your passport when you are in London. I don't want you to leave again. Though I'm so proud of you. You are staying. Look I didn't, haha. You.... Well I'm feeling overwhelmed. I LOVE YOU and Thank you so much for understanding me. Even when it was in Dutch, bla bla. :) Veerle, I just said my last goodbye. auw, DC was so much better with you and you are a joy to be around with. Your love for America is great and that made me realize what an amazing adventure this. You made me love America more, thank you I am going to miss you a lot. And I think you should stay an other year ;) Eileen, you muffin. It is sad that were only been able to spent the last few months together. But we made the best out of it and I think we succeeded there. Always available for a date and ours were always super adventures. Well, at least I saw my favorite movies again. haha. I love you and thank you for all you have done for me. you helped me a lot!
But there is one thing I am thankful for the most. Not a thing actually, my girls. They are my girls. I love them to death. My heart grew over the last year. Starting in New York and finishing in Virgina. They learn thing from me but I have learned so much more from them. Emotions are over the place. I kind of want to list it but the only thing that comes up right now is that I learned to love you. I love my family and I will catch a bullet for them. But I did not know that I was been able to love you girls as much as I love them. Call me when you need me. I will alway be there for you. 'pinky promise', 'cross my heart', 'spit in my hand' and however I can show you that I will. THANK YOU !
Now it is time to do my last bits of the laundry. These suitcases need to close tomorrow. On December 3th will hug my girls and will fly to San Francisco. Going to tour around the west coast and ending in Los Angeles. To fly back to DC to give my last hugs to everyone to leave America for behind for now and move on to my next adventures. What a great one this was. Is it weird to be thankful to yourself. because I am. I am thankful that I did what I wanted most. That I do what I want to do. You should do that to. I tell you here. IT IS FUN AND IT MAKES YOU REALLY HAPPY!
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