Sign Language Classes

I finally finished my classes. I did a two-weekend course about sign language. It is incredible how deaf people can communicate as fast as speaking/hearing people can. It is rather fascinating. I had this fascination for a while and during in New York I saw a ASL class. ASL means American Sign Language. It was in my list of 'courses wanting to do'. Well I did not, but that had noting to do with the class. I left New York before signing up for it. While being in Virginia I did not enroll any classes. To clarify, I need to have 6 credits to get my certificate. I did not enroll yet when a friend of me told me she was going to do an ASL courses for 6 credits. It was the ultimate change to get my credits and do the coursers I originally wanted to do.

During the first weekend we stayed in a lovely hotel and got the ASL class. The entire morning we got most of the basic signs taught. It was a long day and that was the first time in over a year that I was back in a school bank. It was funny because I had found myself having trouble to concentrate. Being in school and being focus is a real skill. Never been a focused student, but this was worst. However at the end I knew a lot of signs. The teacher showed us the signs multiple times and so I got a good change of getting most of them. It is so hard to learn. My hand-brain coordination is not that good. But I'm been able to start a conversation and count to 20. That is basically as much as I can in French and that is a language I had for over 3 years. 

The next morning we were suppose to get more classes. Not even ASL but some random classes. We woke up and non of the lights worked. Strange, we had ordered some breakfast and the guy who brought us or food told up that there was a black out. Great why don't they fix it, was my first though. Jokingly saying that we hoped that the classes got delayed so that we could lay in a little more. When we came downstairs the whole hotel was pitch black. Quite cool actually. We had to sit down and listen really carefully. Summary: CLASSES GOT CANCELED and we were still going to get our credits. I felt like that schoolgirl again that got the call that here first hour got canceled. I was wide away all of a suedes, could not be any happier.

Well we went home and a month later we had to back. This time I didn't want the second day to be canceled. I got pretty cool classes that day. Well Saturday morning weekend number two. Teacher forgot that she needed to give a class. She was two hours late. For some reason our classes got a lot of luck. During those two hours I was been able to actually meet my fellow ASL students. The first weekend I did not really meet new people because we were only in class, listening to the teacher. Now we had two hours to meet the girls in the room. Well there was Eileen. A German girl right in front of me. We had a good conversation. With not only Eileen but all the girls in the row in front of me. I feel like I just left everyone else out. Don't mean it like that, haha. It was so nice to meet new people and she lived really close, YEESS!! The teacher came and she basically repeated the first weekend class. she wanted to see how much we remembered. I did remembered quite a lot, but I was hiding in the back so did not really got many turns. My fascination for sign language grew a lot during these weekends. During lunch I set with Ines. A spanish girl who had lived in Brussels for a couple of months. Not that Flemish is the same as Dutch but she new quite a few words. It intrigued me and we had a good chat. Though Ines did not lived close at all. She lives in Dever, Colorado. That was kind of sad because I really liked her. Now I have a new address in a city I might visit ;) That afternoon we had a fencing class. don't want to make this blog too long, but it was awesome. Apart from the 5 million bug bites and the high humanity. It was insanely hot outside and the fencing teacher decided to give a class outside. Well I still enjoyed it a lot and I also found out that I am not the greatest fencer. Ines in the other hand was a natural. Even dared the teacher to fight with her, daredevil !

The next days I had life skill class. Did not know what to expect. She teacher was amazing and had to hold my tears in a couple of times. She touched me in the deepest of my mind and heart. She told us that being in the states, far away from home, shows guts. I have heard that multiple times. For some reason she brought is just right. This was only the beginning of all we were going to achieve. Don't be scared if you don't know what you want further in life. Try to do what you like and opportunities will come. In those hours in her class I changed a lot in my nearest future. I need to follow my heart and then my mind will follow. Sometimes I just think to much. I am going to do things I feel like doing. Sometimes they will bring some risk to be honest. Sometimes it wasn't the right thing to do, but hé I am like that anyway. I shouldn't be scared to fail. The only failure is never to try. Being were I am right now is quite the risk itself. Listen, not that I changed my whole life plan all of a sudden. It just cleared up a lot for me. I got more and more excited for all what is going to come. 

Last Summer Weekend

I'm not going to lie. Sometime life takes over and I just can't get myself to calm down. Exicetment and millions of other feelings going through my body. I like that most of the time. I can strangely enjoy it when life takes over. But I knew I needed to get it together and direct my life myself again. So I am going to try to get the three blogpost I want to write up on this blog. I commit now that I will do that this week. That is a huge commitment because my life is not going to be a little less crazy this week. First I am going to write about this weekend, because than at least I will have this one up, haha.

This might have been the last summer weekend. The weather was getting slightly colder the past two weeks. This weekend the heat came back. Just for this weekend. This week the temperature will drop again. So I was going to make the best of it. 

I did a lot this weekend. I did a lot for my standards. Saturday morning the Oldest had a Girls scout meeting at a horse farm. My host mom asked me if I liked to come along. I was so happy she asked me. That is weird because I do not really like horses, I don't hate them, but I also don't really like them. We had to drive for an hour and I finally got to see an other side of Virginia. It was gorgeous there. It was the more of the county side, not like in Texas cowboy movies though. Maybe not because we were still in Virginia and not in Texas, but I was close. It was greener, I guess. It was a glorious day, the sun was out and the weather was more than perfect to ride horses. So that was exactly what I DIDN'T do. No I don't ride horses. The animals are amazing to look at, so that is was I did. I looked and waved! The barn was so picturesque (fancy word alert). It was a red barn aside of a small river. Green hills on the background and horses on the fields around it. This farm was over 200 years old and George Washington had visited it. Great facts aren't they? It got me. This was so nearby and I had not even seen anything like this during all those months. The gorgeous nature slammed me in the face and that was more than deserved. I needed to wake up and see more than Washington DC. 

Later that day I got out right away.This trip was already planned for two weeks, but the timing was perfect. That afternoon Eileen picked me up. How I met Eileen? haha, That will future in one of my next blogs. Well oke, I met Eileen during my sign language classes two weeks ago. But I will write an other blog about those classes. Eileen is a person I just clicked with and I am so happy that she lives nearby. We drove to the National Harbor. We wanted to have some good pictures. So we sat down and we found out right away that the light was way to bright to get a nice one. It was such a glorious day and the sun was bright like never before, what is amazing. Maybe not for a the good picture. I will tell you something, a secret that is not that big of a secret. There is this time in the day that has the name 'golden hour'. It is right before the sun sets. That is the best time of the day to get some good photo's.The light is soft and if gives you a golden glow. So we first had some dinner and decided to come back later. Right when we came back the golden hour started. We shamelessly took quite a lot of pictures. We climbed on the rocks not knowing if that was illegal and smiled as if we had just found a million dollars. When the sun was set and my camera was sick and tired of the mermaid poses we finally stopped. We had some relaxing time at the harbor and enjoyed the evening as much as we could. It was great to talk with Eileen. Not only because she laughed at my stupid jokes that weren't funny most of the time, but also because there were so many things we have in common. We are still getting to know each other. Sometimes it's so nice to start with a blank page that you can fill with just the right stories. New friendships can sometimes be as good as the old ones. It was a lovely day and I kind of had the feeling of having a little vacation. 

Next morning. I went out with Veerle and guess what, she is Dutch, GREAT! Even though I am here to increase my English it is just great to speak my native language sometimes. The entire day I've been speaking Dutch. Not so great if you want to write a English blogpost that evening and your head is still half in Dutch mode. Never really been good with my grammar anyway so bare with me! Veerle had exactly the same feeling I had. We wanted to see more and do more than just walk around DC. I know Veerle for a couple of months now. Our friendship has grown overtime and I feel like we are getting along better and better. I know I am the only Dutch person she is meeting up with here. She feels the same about meeting Dutch people. We left that tiny country to get to know new people with different cultures. Well sometimes it is just nice to talk your own language. It is the most entertaining thing to talk Dutch in the States. NO ONE understands you and you get the craziest looks. It is funny how people try to figure out where you are from, but they simply can't. Most Americans can identify Spanish and German. But you can see their thoughts in the look of there eyes "That doesn't sound like German" Well no it isn't and it is not similar at all. After 5 years of German at school I can still barely understand it. 

Veerle and I decided that we wanted to go picnicking at the Great Falls. I went there on my 20th Birthday. That was months ago and it was when Winter just ended. The trees were still bare and the river was all grey, back then. Now it is the end of summer. The trees are green, some are even turing red and orange and the water was really blue, just like the sky. It was extremely hot. It was over 30C, please don't ask me what that is in Fahrenheit. We found a little spot in the shade and served ourselves a nice lunch. We sat there for quite a while. We mostly talked, about simply everything that were are not been able to explain in English. Things that only Dutch people understand. Haha, Oke not sure if that was a thing, but now it is!

How easily a weekend can be really good. Find some friends and go out. Explore! It is not that hard and it might take some time to get there. I am having such a great time now. I had such a great weekend and that was just because I was out and about. I went to a horse farmhouse with my host family, to the National Harbor to watch the sunset and I had a lovely picnic at the gorgeous Great Falls. The summer will come to an end and the Autumn will kick in. So I think I did the best I could to get the most out of it. I am really excited for Autumn. Fireplaces, warm drinks, orange leaves and Halloween. I am the worst to scare. I will cry as soon as you touch my shoulder when I don't expect it. So don't know how excited I actually am about halloween, but still. It was still summer this weekend, but I am pretty sure it is time to put the shorts away and get the wooly cardigans out. I am excited for it, quite a lot to be honest!

Skyping with Family

This moment just needed to be shared on my blog. A 3,5 hours long moment. 

I have huge, huge family on my dad's side. My dad has seven siblings. Three sisters and four brothers. They are all in a relationship, there first, second or maybe even 10th marriage. haha no I'm joking there, but I do have a lovely mixed up family. I have 20 cousins and most of them are in a relationship or even married. Some of them are having children some don't, most of them don't. I made a family tree this week and I counted a family of 60. I actually only counted 59, but I am pretty sure I made a mistake and forgot someones boy or girlfriend.  

Well that said, they all came together. You don't want to know how bad I would  have loved it to be there. It is pretty rare that we come together. The last one was last year, but I couldn't make that because of my final exams. Before that one, I have to guess, but it might have been three years. I love family, I love my family and I wish I could have been there. 

On monday my dad skyped me and told me that basically everyone would be there except from me. Autch, haha. How is that even possible. Mostly there are at least 5 or more that can't make it. No, this time was different. Everyone was there apart from me. I couldn't make it and I was devastated to hear that I was the only one. My dad made me a promise "I am going to Skype you while I am there" and he did. 

This morning I woke up super excited knowing that I was going to Skype my family. Around 2pm I finally got a call. Jumped from a quite house into a room with 60 people. The connection was bad and I mostly heard a lot background noises. But my smile was bigger than ever before. It was my sister that tried to show me around. The connection was pretty bad and every time there was someone new in front of the camera the screen stopped moving. It was extremely frustrating. As soon as she had put the laptop down at one point it got better. Aunts, uncles and cousins came by to say 'hi' or to have a little chat. 

After a while it was quiz time. Is 'Ranking the stars' an international program or is it Dutch? I don't know, I'll explain it briefly. There were 30 questions like; Who has the most clothes, who is the most vain, who throws the best parties and more. Everyone had to rank each other. For every question there was a top 10. I made it into 5 of them; -Who is the most stuffed animals? I have quite a few. How my family knows that I don't know. -Who is the most jealous? Well, well, well. My answer to that is that I was really jealous of everyone being together and me sitting behind a computer screen. So I guess I deserved that place, haha - Who is the biggest 'mummy's girl or boy'? That was a not to translatable word. It is basically someone who calls his/her mom a lot and stuff. Fun fact there, I made it to that list but as a little girl I was actually a daddy's girl. Actually still are, huh dad? The last two meant the most to me - Who is the most adventures? I have to be honest and say that I have cousins who did bigger adventures than I did/am doing, but at least i made the top 10. And last but not least -Who is out of the county the most? Well guess that is true. I was the only one not being in Holland during the family event. I didn't make it in the top 3 though. Apparently I have a cousin who fills his tank in Germany so he leaves the county quite a lot! Have to say that he lives near the border of Holland and Germany, But still he is going in and out more than I do. Oh, note for my family. Kirsten lived in Oslo, Norway for a couple months. Why was she not in the top 10? This family is so big that apparently we do not keep track of each other enough seeing the top 10s. I laughed so hard. 

Since I am here this was by far the best Skype call ever. It took 3,5 hours and I think I at least have waved to everyone. Got the question "Who are you doing over there" more than 10 times and had a couple of good, longer chats. Sadly enough my 90 year old grandma gone home before I was been able to Skype. It was a little much for her. She is the foundation of this family. She is an amazing woman and I am so thankful for her. 

My family. I love them a lot. It is weird to sit behind a screen. There were moments that I totally forgot how far way I was. I was been able the anticipate the quiz and see everyone. Only if I could teleport myself. I wish I could be there this weekend. I was super exhausted after that call, it was a lot. It was strange closing my laptop. All of a sudden it was totally quite again, but my smile was still huge. For a moment I was back in Holland attending my family event. Living in the century makes being away so much easier. I'm so happy I was been able to be part of the event. I'm even happier knowing that I did that while being in the USA! 

And Continue

That might have been the most craziest two weeks of my life. I kind of say that a lot, but this time I honestly mean it. These weeks were insane. Emotionally and physically. I did everything I could to see everyone. Turns out this was just the tip of the iceberg. I am so grateful for everyone in Holland. I didn't even knew that you all were there. I know you all are important to me, but for some reason I though I wasn't for you. Sorry for thinking that. I have seen so many happy faces by seeing my face. That boost a lot of happy feelings up in me. I've even had people crying because I could actually hug them instead of calling, Skyping or texting. It's incredible, that my mom cried wasn't a surprise for me, but the fact that she wasn't the only one means a lot. What it means, not a clue. I think I somewhere, some who turend out to be a good friend! Mission accomplished!

My Oma's funeral was really pretty and I got the courage to speak. That is the only thing I want to tell about it here. Just because I don't need to share everything. It sometimes seems to look like I do share everything. This one is just for me, my family and everyone who came to say goodbye to my Oma.

And than it was time to go home again. I remember getting anxious right before I left to go to New York. Back then I was so excited to go and I was just being anxious for the unknown. Now, I knew exactly what was waiting for me and I still did not want to go.That was only because I was so sad to leave again. To go trough the pain again of saying goodbye. The last two days I didn't even wanted to leave the house anymore. At the same time I was getting really nervous of not doing anything. I was confusing myself badly. The fact was that I was still doing a lot, but I wanted everyone to come to me. Luckily enough are the people around me the best and most sweetest persons on earth and everyone understood the situation. 

Coming back to Holland wasn't fun, but it was still the greatest gift. I pinched myself multiple times. Once eve just hearing my moms voice made me cry. It was the first morning being back home. I was still in bed, waking up and she was on the phone with someone. She wasn't even talking to me, but I cried and I was letting it all sink in. That moment, her voice in the distance, like nothing changed. A lot of people asked me how hard it is to go back home and especially going away again. It was hard and the circumstances were even harder. But I knew one really important thing; I was  going back to the USA to finish this adventure. That kept me up. I was so mad on the airport flying to DC. One man that works on the airport smiled friendly at me. I wanted to hit him really hard. In no near future was I going to appreciate him doing his job. I was mad at him, he was staying in Holland and he was probably not enjoying every second of it. Only if he did I could have smiled back, but probably not. I was furious. It took me a while to overcome that. I was such a childish child. It ended when I walked in my room and laid on my bed. I texted my family: "I'm home, had a great flight" That said it all. I was home. I have multiple homes now. 

It was the an other gift of the trip. My realization what an awesome time I'm having right now. And it is sometimes is really hard to realize that. If the girls are driving me crazy, what happens sometimes. I get frustrated and a need to find that realization. Count to 10 and there it is. Or when my alarm clock goes off. No matter what, that's simply not a moment to enjoy. I do not, I repeat, do NOT like mornings. Fun fact, these three kids don't either. Makes waking them up a great thing, um not. haha. But that's life, my life. I love it. And I do realize it. Picking them up mostly makes me realize it. Seeing them after having some time for myself. They are happy to see me and that is great. I love to tuck the youngest in. She asks me for a might night kiss and loves to sing a song. 

This evening I was off. I was in my room and I heard a little voice. She was still up while she was in her bed for over an hour. I opened her door and there she was, wide awake. In her bed, still up, talking to herself. A face of a guilty girl looking at me. "hi, Nienke" "come go sleep it's past you bed time" and I walked away while I kept her door open. She looked and me and I signed her that I was watching her. She loved to fool around. So she gave me the sign back. Not much later she walked towards me. She had covered herself with her blanket struggling to walk straight, walking into the doorpost, my side table and at the end finally me. I was trying not to laugh, but I couldn't keep it in. She made a little notch and her big brown eyes appeared. "Nienke can you tuck me in?" I was melting from the inside. THAT WAS ADORABLE, "Yes, I'll tuck you in if you go to sleep" Not even a minute after I tucked her in she was gone, fast asleep. 

So little extra story for you. I love these girls so yes I'm happy to be back. I knew from the second I left that I was coming back. That is how I did it. One simple thought. I was mad, sad, furious and whatever more. I was going anyway. I was fighting from the inside, but I knew from day one who was going to win. And had no jet leg what is still great. Going to Holland I had some struggles staying up after being up for over 30hours, but that was it. Being here in the USA, falling asleep at 8:30pm the first night and waking up BECAUSE OF MY ALARM, hi I still hate that moment. That was 7am and I did not wake up anytime earlier. Day two and my jet leg was nowhere to be found,  I won. I'm emotionally really tired, exhausted. Though I am doing fine, I am doing better than I expected. These weeks have gotten me up and down. Been really low, but than I saw my mom and I could hug her. I could give her an actual kiss and I could hold her tight. That ment the world to me. Wish I could still do that now. 

I am back and I will stay here for now on. No more trips to Holland until the real return please. I was great to be back. Thanks for holding me tight if you did. Thanks for laughing with me when I needed and Thanks for wiping my tears of my cheeks. Nothing has changed while everything is different. Thanks for letting me share my adventure with you and thanks for you telling me yours I missed.  I'll come back, I promise. For now I am living a crazy adventure and that is what I want the most. Thanks.  

Home

It is unreal that I am home. That my mom is sitting next to me while I write this blog. That my cat is putting his nails into my legs, that I hear my brother whistling and my that my sister is getting ready for bed upstairs. It is a unreal time. 

Being home whilst this adventure is such a strange thing. I just don't get it. Everything I do feels like a treasure. Every message feels like a warm blanket around my heart. I never asked to come home because I knew that I could life without it. But now I got it back it might be harder than before to let it go. 

My sweet, sweet Oma passed away on the 4th of July 2014. Surrounded by the ones who loved her and I was one of them. I was in time to talk to her. To thank her and to hold her close. I sat next to her multiple times. She squeezed my hand and tickled the inside of it. An other time she grabbed my hand and laid my hand on her heart while stil holding it. I felt her heartbeat. I felt it like never before. Right now I wish I could do that again. 

On a day that I was suppose to celebrate the Birthday of the USA I was with my Oma. She is a hero, right before she passed away she talked to every single person that was there. My mom, aunt, uncle, my cousins, my siblings and me. Everyone got the most personal little talk. She told me to love everyplace I will live. That is doesn't matter were I end up. I was free to go wherever, whenever. That she was proud of me forever. Than she smiled at me and I thanked her for bringing me home. She started her journey. I secretly hope she stopped by the USA to watch all the fireworks. I miss her so much. I just want her to open her eyes and look at me again. I want to listen to her beautiful stories and I wish I could tell her all of mine. 

I am home. This week was super intense and I do more than I actually can. Days feel longer and I try to see everyone. I make the most out of the time I got. My emotions are all over the place. I have cried, sadly enough, every single day, but I haven't laughed this hard in a long time either. All my loved once around me all the time. It is more than I could have asked for. 

If you ask me how I am doing. I am doing good. Holland and a specially Haarlem and Vogelenzang are home. That will never change. I feel great being here, but I wish it was for a different reason. And at the same time I know that I am ready to finish my year over in Virgina. I am going to make even more out of the days that I will be here in Holland. If I didn't already know, I would have known it by now. I have the most amazing and caring friends. In Holland and all over the world. Every messages means so much to me and I hope that you all know that I love you a lot. 

It is a unreal world sometimes. I will take all of the good out of something sad. This is be best gift I could have get. My Oma's best and last gift and I will always thank her for it. 

Voor Oma

Just a quick update about the situation I turned out to be in. I just packed my bags and in a few hours I will be on a plane. Less than two weeks ago I got a text from my mom. Telling that it was important and that we needed to Skype. Before I knew it we were crying. She told me the sad news about my grandma, my Oma. She was in the hospital and  I had to know that it was not going well at all. It was hard for her to tell me that. How do you tell you daughter that her Oma is passing away while she is miles and miles away. There was one thing that seems to be even worst. That I was not there. That I was not been able to say goodbye. It broke her. 

That was two weeks ago and however I had the hope that it was all going to get better it wasn't. Me and my host family are near Boston right now. We drove in two days. I had a whole backup system. I only have internet with WiFi. As soon as we stared driving my mom was not been able to reach me. On the days that I we were driving my Oma was doing oke. If something would happen my mom had to w'app Veryan and she could text me. I would have tried to find the nearest WiFi spot and could get my mom on Skype. I am grateful that that was not needed. 

On the day that my mom told me the news I felt really strong. How sad it is that that was for such a short period it was good. If it happend a month earlier it might have broken me down. How hard it is I am been able to get carry it. I am currently strong enough to say: no matter how emotional I feel I will continue and finish my au-pair adventure. 

Yesterday I skyped my Oma. It was extremely painful. That Skype call was going to show me my Oma alive for the last time. After I hung up I felt worst. All my strength was gone. It was horrible to think that I was never going to see her anymore. It was a complete nightmare. Not much later my mom gave me a message saying that I had to come. I was already planning to go. I was planning of coming for the funeral to be there for my family. Yesterday was a game changer. I Skyped my dad and we called my insurance. They were going to book a flight for me. 

The roller coaster just started. I am flying home today. I am going to say goodbye to my Oma. I am going to be there for my family. It is a huge relieve to know that I am actually going. Not a clue what it is going to do with me. At least it is going to help my mom. Right now that is the most important thing in my live. I will be with her for a couple of days. I love her so much and it is inhumane to see someone in so much pain from such a huge distance. 

This is quite a personal thing to share. This blog is for me. For me in a couple of weeks, months, years. Knowing that I did everything I could. Knowing that family comes first no matter what. No matter how long I have to travel. No matter if that means a emotional breakdown. I know that I am strong and I am going to be strong. 

I didn't check my spelling or grammer because I don't want to read this blog back right now. I will be home for a couple of days. So I am coming back to the USA. Because that is what I want, but more important, that is was Oma wants. Oma I love you, see you soon. 

Reunited

You can guess it. That was amazing. I did wait a week to write about it, to let it all sink in. Terrified to get homesick or feeling left behind. Turns out the opposite happend. I started to feel better and better. After North Carolina I felt great, but I knew that New York was coming up. There was still a cool trip to look forward to. So when I came back from New York I was petrified to get really sad. Don't ask me how, but I didn't. For the first time I was wrong about predicting my feelings. Honestly, I feel better than ever. 

There I go, again in that terrible bus, but I am going to skip that part because it was just horrible. I want to let you all know how good of a time I had. So why waist more time and space about being very, very, very uncomfortable. NEW YOOORRKK! The humanity hit me hard. It had been raining all night and if there is one place were it gets humid. Than it must be a city like New York. I was back. It felt really strange. Realizing that New York is just a city and knowing that there is so much more to see in this huge country. Although I was really happy to be back knowing that my dad and sister were just a few miles away. My bags were, next level, heavy. I could absolutely not wait to enter the apartment. LOCKED and there was no key. We rented a room through airbnb, it was good, small, but good. The cleaner that had to put the envelope with the key on the door left the key inside. So there was no way for me to get in. My phone was about to die and I couldn't text or call my dad or sister. Because my contract doesn't allow me to text international numbers .Then there is only one thing to do; relax and find the rooftop. That one hit me, the rooftop. Seeing the view was indescribable it was ready to get me calm. I was back in that city I had to leave. Then time past really quickly and after a wonder around I came back to the locked door and guess who were there. All of a sudden my dad and sister stood in front of me. Then there is only one way how I would greet them. "Oh wait I have to charge my phone" seriously. I hadn't seen them for half a year and as soon as they were there I could only think about my phone dying. Congrats Nienke, you are officially the worst person ever. Though I did not got the chance to get it charged. My dad hugged me till there was no air to breath and my sister got me there too. 

I can make the stories up right now. How I started crying and how I missed them so much. Well I did miss them big time, but as soon as they were there it felt like I never left their side. I didn't felt like crying. I felt so happy, I could only smile. My smile was not erasable in the near future. After we got freshened up, we decided to go to the park across the street and  we talked about everything. I did not had to get them up-to-date. I talked to them on Skype a day before and w'app is keeping them pretty much up-to-date every second. I just wanted to show them the city. I was curious how they though I had changed. I was ready to have them close, really close.

In those days we have seen pretty much every high light of the city. We've done things that I hadn't done yet and we crossed a few things off my bucket list. Le Miserable on Broadway. I wanted to see a show there really badly and as I thought I had a year to do that. But since I left after 3 months this was the time to do it. My dad apparently had seen almost every single musical so after some discusion I got them on my side and we bought tickets to see Le Miserable. It was a early birthday present for my dad, who's birthday is June 30th and it sort of was a father's day present. As he told us that is was fathers day that day. But my dad had something for us too. He booked us a helicopter flight. I had never even been even close to one so that was honestly the best thing ever. The weather wasn't really helping so it got delayed to the next day but I still can't believe it. He is the best dad. It was foggy but I didn't mind. It was such an experience. I got to sit next to the pilot all by myself. The pilot was a woman, like yes, that is how I like it! She inspired me, I think a want to be an helicopter pilot too now. Especially above New York, I think, not sure. Haha I wish, I wish.

We did so much more, went to the 9/11 memorial, Wall street, Staten Island Ferry, Brooklyn Bright and Brooklyn promenade. Visited the New York Public library and walked down on Fifth Avenue. Stood on top of the rock and climbed the red stairs on Times Square. Watched Baseball in Central park, saw a broadway show and had dinner with Svenja and Kristina. Wondered around in the National History and Nature Museum and been attacked by squirrels and birds. Got to sit in the front seat of a helicopter and we pretended to be a NYU student. 

It was so good to get my battery charged. My family means everything to me. I miss them so much. But now I am going to tell you something, maybe, unexpected. I feel stronger. I hope not to give my mom a heart attack, but I might consider staying longer. After half a year nothing has changed between me and my family. We all changed a bit but those changes had been captured by Skype already. Hopefully my sister and brother get there degrees and I do feel bad not being there. I simple know that I do not have to be there physically. I hope they know that I think about them a lot, say all the time. The friends I have back home are basically the best people on this planet. I don't text everyone all the time, but as soon as I do it is all fine. 

Being away from home can be really hard. But had made me feel so much better about everything. I feel more confident and I dare to stand up for myself more. Since I'm back from New York I feel bad bringing the girls to school. I want to spent more time with them. Although I might think that now,I know when they will be home all the time next week I probably disagree with this. So for everyone who wants to be an au-pair and is afraid to leave home behind, JUST DO IT. Your family and friends will wait. And how hard this may sound, they can do it without you. Give them a sign of love now and than. Let them know you care about them and they will give that back to you. A year is long, but now that I passed my 6 months I start to seriously consider to stay longer. Times goes really quick and before you know you will be back home. AND I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT YET!