Time

It is so obvious. The time is passing by. That a moment that you life right now will soon starts to be a memory. sometimes to remember, sometimes to just have lived. A lifetime isn't as long as I think it is. Right now I am twenty years old. What basically means that I have spent twenty year doing what I did. It feels like I havent achieved a lot. I graduated. So that didn't happen without working for it. I life in the USA, were I also had to work my butt off for. I am the au-pair I wanted to be for over 3 years. And struggles have been fought and won. I am only twenty years old so who am I to say that I feel like I haven't achieved a lot. It's seems obvious. Well if the first twenty years I lived weren't the year for me to achieve a lot, will that mean that the next twenty will. If I blink with my eyes, will I be there ? 

It's deep. But I start thinking about it. This is my sixth month here and I only have twelve months. Time is passing by so scarily fast. May 2007 I lost my granddad. The only one I had. It feels like was last week talking to him, hugging him, losing him. I honestly can't believe that it is seven years ago. I give my stuffed elephant a kiss every night before I fall asleep. The stuffed animal he gave me a month before he passed away. How many kisses that animal has got. How much strength he gives me. It is seven years ago and every time I see the pandora charm on my bracelet I miss him. He was 80 years old when I was born and I am so happy that I got to meet him, that I remember him. That he was strong and old enough to make my mum's greatest fear not to come true. Because I can remember him. I always will. It is seven years ago. Opa would have been 100 this year in June. He isn't here anymore but I will celebrate his birthday with joy. I'll raise my glass and hope to get as old and healthy as he was. 

Can we all agree on the fact that time goes by way to quick. Even when I think that time goes way to slow, it goes fast. Because thinking back at my time at school I wish I was still there. To just be the simple human being I am. I don't say that my life is complicated but I wish I could still get away with "I don't know what I want to study". I wish that times were I have to pay rent or bills weren't coming closer every day. But it is. And I need to get my head around a study I really like. 

Next month my dad and sister are coming to New York City and I can't wait to go back and see them. But before that day is here. I'll enjoy today. Because I can't believe that I am were I wanted to be for over 3 years. That I achieved a main goal in life I had made. How tired or sad I can feel. It can't beat the feeling of excitement. It can't beat the fact that I life the live I really wanted to life. I am honestly happy the time has passed till today. That I made it to this place.  And the that the tear that has dropped can dissolve in a huge smile.