Pictures

Last week I was ready to confront myself. Now today I can tell I wasn't. I decided to go through my pictures on my laptop and put them on a USB stick so I could print them. I adore printed pictures. holding a picture in my hands feels so much better than on my screen. So last week I printed 60 pictures of my friends, family and some memorable moments. If I knew this I wouldn't have done in, but it did hurt me. I got a huge feeling of homesickness. I miss everybody a lot and having a picture doesn't fill that. 

Though I was happy that I got them and posted a picture on Instagram of a bunch of the pictures. within a hour I got a few messages of my friends telling me the memory behind the picture or just telling me they missed me. So I could only respond saying that I missed them too, because I do miss them a lot. 

It took me a couple of days to get over that feeling. So now that I put them back in the envelope I feel content having them. It's a neutral feeling about the pictures. I have to feel strong and for a moment I didn't. So everyone is like; "are you going to put all your pictures on the wall?" No I'm not. I want to have them to remember the moments and go through them when I want. 

Because the memories do make me feel so happy. The week I spent with my cousins and a friend of my cousin in Austria. Hiking and hiking and more hiking. You know what, that week was such a lesson. I underestimated the hiking, but I did it and I'm honored that my cousins asked me. The pictures are amazing and the places we went were so pretty. And every time I see them doing it over and over again a million times harder then what I did I give them a massive amount of respect.

Then the pictures of Estonia. Two years ago I went to Estonia as a exchange student. Together with a lot of friends we stayed a week with a Estonian student and explored their town and a bit of their country. I even celebrated my 18th birthday there. When I went trough those pictures I couldn't stop smiling. That week was so much fun. I am so happy I did that. I doubted going because I wouldn't be home on my birthday. But who can say they spent there birthday with a family they just met a couple of days ago in a country you never been before. Maybe you did, well I didn't and it was a amazing day. Not only that day but literally every day was so much fun. 

Making a lot of pictures means remembering a lot of memories I might forget. So I capture them.

So I printed a lot of pictures basically to have them by my side. For now that is the best option because that gives me the best feeling. And you know what, I can wait to put them in the box with all my childhood pictures. They belong to my collection of joy.