English and Dutch

I know I live in an English speaking county right now. I know that most of the people that read my blog in Dutch are been able to read them in English. It is just that insecurity that makes it tough. 

At school we had to write formal and informal letters in English as an test. I failed every time miserably. Maybe once or twice I surprised myself with a good grade. Most of the times I tried, I did not. It was not that I didn't know how to write something or I could not find the right word, because we were allowed to use a dictionary. It was the grammer that got me, time after time. 

Now I am in America for over a month I feel way more confident in speaking and writing in English. But it does not feel like Dutch. Dutch is the language were I can express my pure feelings in. It is the way of using the language what I will never get in English. Although I will try my best. 

I can tell my English becomes better. Some songs I listen to for a long time get a clearer meaning. Films without subtitles are easier to understand and I might even not realize that it is in English now and than. But writing is still hard, easier but hard.

Writing for me is not just putting feeling over in words. It is the way of using certain words in a way that is different. For me writing is a way of using my knowledge and spreading it out. That might sound lame, because a nineteen year old will not know a lot about the world. That is a fact. I am just giving it a try. I might know more that some of you. There is a big difference between my knowledge and yours. I just want to tell mine. I am not afraid to share. I am not afraid to fail.

Thanks to Luis who told me he wrote his adventure like I do. He told me what I told you. It is hard to express your feelings in an other language than your own. But I is good to give it a try now and then. 

English is  not my native language and it will never be. That will mean for this blog that the majority of the blogs will be in Dutch. For all of you who are not been able to read it then, use a translator. It might turn most of the parts into the strangest sentences you will ever read. Do not blame me. You might need to use your imagination.